What Three Guys Taught Me: Part Three

And we have now come to the conclusion of this series and this one was saved for last for a few reasons. One being, this was the most significant one. This experience lasted the longest out of the three, actually ever. The most complicated story but also the one I am fond of reflecting back on.
*warning this one is really long, I've tried my best to sum it up* 

The Third Guy: taught me about God's timing and my relationship with Him.

This happened about three years ago, long time I know. We met through our youth group, he was new and obviously stood out the most. As I attend a Filipino dominated church, it is easy to be picked out when you're not Filipino. We met through mutual friends since we both had gotten lifts home from the same person, that's where we started talking. Soon enough we began to talk outside of the car rides home. At the time he was attending YD Engage while I was interning in YD Relive (junior high), so we never actually were in the same department on Friday nights. However this didn't stop us.

Eventually we exchanged numbers and then added each other on facebook. This was where our communication peaked. Without fail, we talked everyday even if it was for a good half an hour to an hour. We always found a way to say 'good morning' and 'good night' to each other. No feelings had sprung up yet but the friendship did. Just like when you meet someone for the first time, they become one of those people you just want to get to know better. He was one of those people to me. Facebook was our main source of communication until we used Skype. Not only were we talking to each other everyday but most days we would see each other as well. This honestly was awesome, it was fun and it enabled for trust to be established between the two of us.

One night it was put out there, we both liked each other. I wasn't completely there yet but he was, eventually I just admitted it to myself and to him that I liked him. This was the first time I had ever liked someone this much or even liked someone for that matter. Our communication hardly ceased to fail, although there were times of misunderstandings and what not. Many moments of kiligs, infatuation, times where I would be smiling out of no where just thinking about him. We grew together in God. Shared our devotions, prayed for each other, keep each other accountable and that was all great.  Until the communication started to wear off. About three months into me starting senior high school, things got rough. We talked less and bitterness was arising. There were misunderstandings, miscommunication, we just missed clarity.

Then one night, we talked in person after youth and agreed to take the following week to really pray and meditate if we should keep going with this. A week went by and I was heartbroken by what God had told me. I didn't want to let go, I didn't want to lose what we had or worse lose the friendship but it had to be done. Again, the Friday after, we sat and talked. Both of us received the same thing, we needed to put this to an end. We realised that this time wasn't the right time for us to keep going and although we grew together, we still had more development and growth individually. That was hard. It was almost like a break up. When you think about it, it's hard to stop talking as much to someone when you've had endless and consistent communication for seven months. It was the aftermath of all this that had really tested us.

Really, it was hard to get things at peace between the two of us. I probably showed more signs that I was struggling to get over him, not so sure about him but I admit I was pretty bitter. However, as time went by, as I begun to really dig back into the love of God .. just one day I had clarity. That one day, I had finally let go and was moving on with my life. Through all the emotions, conversations, sweet moments, silence, arguments, it taught me so much. God's timing is perfect and there is always a place and time for everything. What we went through was timing, perfect for what we were to face in the future. How we communicated should be the same, or even better, as how I would talk to God. The importance of focusing on yourself before chasing another person is so crucial. I cannot express enough how important it is to become all that you can be before you step into any relationship.

The phrase of: 'I found my other half' or calling that special person your 'other half.' Get rid of that mentality. To give your all to someone, you gotta be whole. When two become one, it's not two halves that make a whole. It is two wholes coming together. When you both come under God, you become weaved together like a cord of three strands (Ecclesiastes 4:12). That cord of three strands, is unbreakable. 

What Three Guys Taught Me: Part Two

Now this one is a little closer to home, this one was with my guy bestfriend. Who knew that eventually we would end up liking each other .... at different times. At first when we met it was I who had a small crush for him but I knew that being friends first would benefit more as we begun to talk more and as I begun to see more of his heart. 

Second Guy: taught me to remember that God's plans and desires are much greater than mine.

As much as I want to end up with a guy who was my bestfriend, it didn't seem fitting for the both of us. I again had to take guard of my heart. Already we were tight friends, I felt comfortable around him, I could tell him anything and he knew almost everything that I was going through. During that time, that was when I was starting to get 'poisoned' (reference to 'Creating a Filter'). He was (and is) always there for me and I loved that. You may think, why .. why wouldn't you like him back, he's your bestfriend?! Well, God was prompting me that we weren't ready for any relationship and that this was to just remain as a friendship. 

This was towards the middle of last year that he had begun to like me. I admit, I kind of liked it because in the back of my mind I thought to myself: wow .. finally! Haha. But my heart wasn't in it because God was pulling me back. It became complicated during that phase, he was waiting for my response and kind of expecting that I would reciprocate those feelings but I couldn't. I really couldn't. This affected the friendship so much, it made me so self-concious of how I acted around him that the comfort wasn't there anymore. It was risky. So then we had to talk, really talk. It took time for us to meditate on His Word, to pray and to just be by ourselves. We came to closure that we're both not ready for anything and that this friendship has a lot more potential than what we see now. 

The more I found myself immersed in God's love rather than my bestfriends love, the more I saw His plans and desires for me. From that time until now, His desire is for me to fall in love with Him the most I can so that it may be reciprocated to the one He has chosen specially for me. I learnt that what God has in store for me, is much greater than what I can imagine for myself. His plans are better, His desires are better and anyway He is far better than I am. 

What Three Guys Taught Me: Part One

So far in my 18 years of life I have had my share of having feelings towards a guy. This is a series of posts that I will be sharing about my experiences of this mutual feeling and what they have taught me that contributes to how I think and do (with this topic) today. Now, I'm not meaning to sound pretentious nor am I 'bragging' about the guys that have liked me. Really, I'm just sharing the experiences that have made a massive impact on me. They are not in order as well. Got it? Get it? Good.

The First Guy: taught me about where my worth comes from.

This was during the end of year 11 at our school camp. We were the type of 'friends' that were 'friends' because we hung out with the same people and were in the same group. We never actually talked nor got to know each other. Until the second day one of my sisterfriends told me that this person likes me. Our communication changed from mutual friends to actually being friends. Having this fact in mind, I thought hey .. might as well talk because we hang in the same group anyways, we were eventually going to have to talk. So we did, we talked after camp.

Everyday we would converse, going from facebook inbox to texting. Soon enough, I found myself also feeling a little something too. However, I knew that I had to guard my heart. It was hard because let's face it, he was a sweet-talker. He knew how to talk to a girl sweetly and it was nice but it had led me on (I'm not trying to put the blame on him, no no). Out of no where he stopped responding to my messages and it made me think that I was doing something wrong. When I mean not respond I mean, it would take him a day to respond, exchanging about two to three messages between the two of us and that was it. No longer was he talking to me as much nor giving me the attention that was there at the start of all of this. It hurt. The silence really was deafening. And I knew something was going on.

This is when I turned to God, I had to ask Him for what I needed to do with these feelings. He told me to confront him about the reality of the situation. I did. He also shared that it was him that there was something wrong, he didn't feel right doing this to me because his heart was somewhere else. Then we had closure and that was the end of that. Here is what I had written in my journal:

Tonight I learnt that in the presence of my Saviour, my faith is made stronger. All I can say is, my God is above all. Despite of the waves that are getting higher, the storm stirring up around me- He is still God. I realise now that I need to be still and listen because He is whispering: 'YOU ARE MINE.'

Going through such feeling with ____, I've learnt that I am God's. I can't and won't submit my heart to another. Only God holds it, He is my Father and I am His princess. He is my Saviour and I am His treasure. Although at first it hurt, I'm thankful and blessed. I may have lost feelings but I've gained a friend. I'm praying that I may seek harder after Him- see my worth in Him. May my heart be strong to let go. Remind me of who You are Lord. Remind me of who You are.

[Thursday 21st March, 2013]

That is what I learnt: my worth does not rely on how someone else sees me, my worth does not rely on the attention that I receive ..my worth comes from God and God only. The One who created me, the One who formed my heart, the One who truly sees me for who I am is the One that gives me worth.