Totally copied Joshua Harris’ book title, ‘I kissed dating goodbye,’ for this post but made it so that it is relevant to what I am about to write. Let me expand upon what these ‘misconceptions and external voices’ are:

• Misconceptions of ‘the one:’ It’s so easy to fall into the worldly trap of the ideology of who ‘the one’ is for you. We are told that there is someone out there for you, a special someone we’d like to call it. All it is, is a matter of time and waiting and searching for them. They give you this idea that you’ll end up with your best friend that you’ve had for years upon years, you’ll end up meeting a stranger by ‘love at first sight.’

I’m kissing goodbye the misconceptions of ‘the one.’ 

I believe that ‘the one’ is not someone you have to go out and search for. It is not someone whom everyone says you’ll need to be with because you are compatible. It is not someone who will ‘complete’ you because the reality is, your future partner cannot fill what is meant to be filled by God. The one is someone you choose. It is in that choice that you need to have God’s spirit alive and active in you. That way, He’s guiding you to His choice. Remember, that not everyone needs to have ‘the one’ but only One (God). 

• External voices: These are the voices of those who ‘encourage’ or ‘ship’ you and another person. If you reciprocate some feeling towards the person you’re being ‘shipped’ with, you kind of like being teased. Don’t deny it, it’s a cute feeling. It’s these very voices you need to be aware of.

I’m kissing goodbye the external voices.

I no longer want to rely the growth of my feelings towards someone on the encouragement of others. Instead, I’d rather have my feelings grow because I am getting to know that person better and on a deeper level that I find attractive. Instead of listening to the voices that ‘encourage’ you to be with someone, listen to those who will keep you accountable, who will sharpen you and refine you to be all that you can be. More so, you should be sensitive to listen to the One voice who is much greater than all.

‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8 NIV). As I’m kissing goodbye these misconceptions and external voices, I’m inclined and more so willing to grasp God’s love and to hear His voice above all the noise. Because I have yet to become all that He plans for me to be and I’ve still got a long way to go! So friend, comrade, amigo,  hope you'll be encouraged, your growth as a person right now is far more important that your search for the right person. 

Creating a Filter

During my 'early' internet usage years, also known as year seven to year ten, I had always been active with social networking. When I say active, I mean that I spent more time scrolling through a feed than I did creating posts. It was later into my senior years that I begun posting up more. However I still found myself scrolling through the feeds just as much as I posted. Certain images and ideas begun to flood my thoughts and did take a toll on me. Images of particular styles, ways a teenage girls' body should look like, quotes that were 'on point' to what I was going through, all soon became poison to me. I knew deep within me that it wasn't me to desire to have this type of body, to think these thoughts. It was when I started university that I decided to create an internet filter. I got rid of tumblr and ask.fm as they were the places that didn't do anything more for me than feel terrible of myself. I deleted the pages I had favourited of 'how to get skinny' and 'how to loose weight.' After doing so, a whole lot of baggage on my shoulders was taken off.

The above image are my current issues of my favourite magazines: Yen, Frankie and Dumbo Feather. Each of these magazines present substantial ideas, unique individuals, quirky articles- these I found better than reading Dolly or Girlfriend. What makes these reads different is that you don't see on the cover 'models' or huge slogans that say 'tips for getting that summer body.' Reading what was amongst these lovely pages helped redirect my view of beauty. They turned to creative, inner and intellectual beauty. Therefore filtering out all the unrealistic standards that had previously poisoned me.

There may be something/s in your life that are like poison to you. You know it for yourself that they are no good for your thinking and being. It is never easy to just remove something that you have held onto for so long however it is not impossible. So, what can you do to filter out what is poisoning you? Take it step by step (this was my way of doing it):

> Identify the poison
> Identify why it is poison
> Ask yourself: What is it doing to me?
> Think of ways you can filter it out: perhaps find another outlet to vent, unfollow.
> Filter: take action to get rid of the poison

Trust me, filtering is hard but it is worth it!