Philippines: Part One

If there’s one thing that could summarise my trip to the Philippines it would be: 

‘never doubt your faith.’ 

Out of all the things besides picking up a little bit of the language and dialects, noticing the change in morales by just strolling through the shops, even enduring through both the wet and dry seasons, that is the one thing that had stuck out to me the most. 

I am more than fortunate and incredibly privileged to have grown up and been raised by amazing, God-fearing individuals. These are not just my parents, but it is my grandparents as well. The most I’ve learnt have been from them. They have elevated the standard of what it means to be a follower of Christ, elevated what is looks like to replicate Jesus in their lives, through their testimonies it unveiled just how much they really mean to me and how much I love them. 

For the first two weeks of our trip, we stayed in Pangasinan. It is up north in the Luzon region of the Philippines, province. If you’ve ever visited the province you get a real taste of what the Philippines is like and the struggling lifestyle that many have to endure. It is not the cleanest of places, neither is it that safe. However in these places you find the most joyful people. The little they have does not waver them, they are grateful for simply being able to breathe. Amongst these people are my Lolo and Lola (grandpa and grandma- dad’s parents). They don’t live to the extreme level of poverty that we encountered during our stay but they are incredibly rich.

Rich in joy, love, faithfulness. Not in finances but I bet you if you looked at their bank account in the heavenlies, they have a whole lot packed away! After the several visits to their house, simply talking to them, hearing their stories, being in their presence, I felt more security in who I am and who I am becoming. I was challenged and convicted, that although they have experienced more years here on earth full of wisdom and knowledge, they have caused me push forward and not look back. They are an embodiment of lives in it for the long run with Jesus. And that is reflected through their marriage as well (Golden Anniversary!). 

Lola Carmelita has set a new standard for me personally of what it means to be a Godly woman. As I have coincidently followed in her foot steps, she is also a teacher. A master teacher in fact. Her faithfulness to her career even moved her to use her retirement money to build a school in their community, a Christian school. Through her lifetime so far, she has read through six different versions of the Bible, cover-to-cover, with markings on each verse and chapter to show her study of it. She raised up seven children, including my father, who are all in excellent fields of work and have astounding faith in God. For the new generation, myself included, she continues to meditate on the Word and to pray for us each day. She embodies what it means to really pray for your family. And boy, I can pinpoint the numerous times in my life that God has pulled through for me and see that it was covered in prayer by her. How do I know this? Check out the pages below.

 These are a few photos from her ‘Grandmother’s Bible.’ The more I flipped through, the fuller my eyes became with tears. I was astounded, blown-away, in absolute awe of the love and faithfulness my Lola has. She was and has always been thinking of us, loving us even though we are literally countries apart. She covered topics such as salvation, talents, courage, character, self-image, even future spouse! What an amazing individual of Christ. I can only hope to attain to a standard like that, even more so like Christ. Besides my mother, I now have a new found respect and love for my grandmother. 

From this experience, I have learnt to never doubt the impact of your faith in God. Never doubt and dare to think that nothing is working because God is. Who I am today, the experiences that I've learnt from, the hard times I've endured, have been covered because of not just my faith but because of my Lola's as well (and parents too, thank you!). The faith she has, has had a ripple effect in my life and I never knew that until our trip to the Philippines. I gained something eternally fulfilling, there's nothing more that I could ask for from trip like this. 

This time last year ..

.. I never thought I would've met someone like this guy. Alright, just let me have this moment to be a little cheesy but express more of my gratitude. No, we're not official- but we have jumped into an adventure together. A journey that I never thought I'd anticipate on having any time soon. 

A lot can happen within a year and yeah, this is definitely a highlight. I thank God for him being that someone I can rely on and who I look up to as well. Even more so, I'm so thankful to have the big Man in the centre of this- we probably wouldn't have even met sooner if it wasn't for Him. Just goes to show that God is at work, especially when we don't see it. Maybe, just maybe I'll update more on this journey later. For now, this is all I'll say about it. 

Be Kinder to Yourself

Did you know that 75% of our daily self-talk works against us. We say things to ourselves that we would never dream of saying to someone else and this impacts our feelings, health, self-esteem, stress levels and interpersonal relationships. We need to be kinder to ourselves. 

Helpful self-talk includes statements that are correcting, coping, reinforcing, or guiding us toward a goal. We need to begin, I need to begin, to purposefully have self-talk utterances that are positive. Even if you are surrounded by people or have a consummation of thoughts that think otherwise, counteract to it. We are works in progress. It's okay to have trials and errors. 

2015: JANUARY

Yup, so much has happened already and only the first month of this year has passed. You can tell by my lack of updating this blog. These are just a couple of photos from my Instagram (kf_ith) to sum up most of this past month- debuts, food, birthdays, youth ministry, adventures.

For this month of February, well .. *walks away* jokes. 

There is much that will happen too! Besides birthdays, valentines, starting Uni again. There is this challenge to apply everything that I've learnt from Nazarite Training and preparations for youth. I've been challenged to become consistent with my health and wellbeing, to completing my to-do lists, planning ahead, become financially wise and cultivate my new group TLC. More than ever, I'm just needing to get myself together and to prioritise. Still a work in progress but a progress that I am determined to keep moving forward. 

It's not quite Christmas yet and it's not the end of the year BUT I'm already making a list of my must haves. I'm not fussed about brands, as long as whatever I get fulfils a need that I have, I'm content af (as frank). So here's my personal list of 'must haves' for 2015:

1. Neutral clothing- I'm starting to feel the basics and neutral coloured scheme for clothes. Specifically more dresses because it is so difficult to find a decent pair of shorts that don't show your butt. At least with dresses you can wear any pair of shoes with them- sandals, flats, converse shoes. Super comfy and casual, perfect for Uni!

2. Laptop stand- I never thought I'd event think about purchasing something like this but it can add to my organisation and help with my posture when I use my laptop. From Ikea, reasonable price. Might as well get it.

3. Toms- Yes. Comfy shoes. Flat. Various designs. What more do you need from shoes?

4. Satchels- I have one satchel, it would be nice to get another one but at an affordable price. Looks like I'll have to either go for a shoulder bag or hit up the op shops to find one of these babies.

5. A5 2015 journal- It's time for me to get back to actually using this diary for the WHOLE year not just for the first six months of Uni and life. Kikki K are reasonable with their price for this .. sort of. But quality, it's the quality that counts. Plus it's not that bulky/heavy. Quality I say! 

So dear friend, what are your must haves for the upcoming new year? 

Totally copied Joshua Harris’ book title, ‘I kissed dating goodbye,’ for this post but made it so that it is relevant to what I am about to write. Let me expand upon what these ‘misconceptions and external voices’ are:

• Misconceptions of ‘the one:’ It’s so easy to fall into the worldly trap of the ideology of who ‘the one’ is for you. We are told that there is someone out there for you, a special someone we’d like to call it. All it is, is a matter of time and waiting and searching for them. They give you this idea that you’ll end up with your best friend that you’ve had for years upon years, you’ll end up meeting a stranger by ‘love at first sight.’

I’m kissing goodbye the misconceptions of ‘the one.’ 

I believe that ‘the one’ is not someone you have to go out and search for. It is not someone whom everyone says you’ll need to be with because you are compatible. It is not someone who will ‘complete’ you because the reality is, your future partner cannot fill what is meant to be filled by God. The one is someone you choose. It is in that choice that you need to have God’s spirit alive and active in you. That way, He’s guiding you to His choice. Remember, that not everyone needs to have ‘the one’ but only One (God). 

• External voices: These are the voices of those who ‘encourage’ or ‘ship’ you and another person. If you reciprocate some feeling towards the person you’re being ‘shipped’ with, you kind of like being teased. Don’t deny it, it’s a cute feeling. It’s these very voices you need to be aware of.

I’m kissing goodbye the external voices.

I no longer want to rely the growth of my feelings towards someone on the encouragement of others. Instead, I’d rather have my feelings grow because I am getting to know that person better and on a deeper level that I find attractive. Instead of listening to the voices that ‘encourage’ you to be with someone, listen to those who will keep you accountable, who will sharpen you and refine you to be all that you can be. More so, you should be sensitive to listen to the One voice who is much greater than all.

‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8 NIV). As I’m kissing goodbye these misconceptions and external voices, I’m inclined and more so willing to grasp God’s love and to hear His voice above all the noise. Because I have yet to become all that He plans for me to be and I’ve still got a long way to go! So friend, comrade, amigo,  hope you'll be encouraged, your growth as a person right now is far more important that your search for the right person. 

"I'm Sorry"

Two words: I’m- personal pronoun, combining the words ‘I’ and ‘Am’ together. Sorry- an adjective used to apologise or state an apology. Two words that make you completely vulnerable for a moment to give resolution and restoration a chance to work. 

No matter who we are, how old we are and what we’re going through or have been through, it is always going to be difficult to say: ‘I’m Sorry.’ When was the last time you said you were genuinely sorry? When was the last time you used that phrase in hopes to restore trust, peace, love, honesty? The funny thing about apologising is the fact that we lay down our pride when doing so. Actually it's not that funny .... but that’s where the difficulty engenders from .. pride. Oh how that is deadly. 

It’s safe to say, I honestly suck at apologising genuinely, both when I am wrong and right. 

I recently had a pretty brutal argument which slapped me in the face really hard as a point was brought up about how I was loosing respect for that person and how I lacked in apologising. Although it pierced me that this had to happen a few hours before my exam, it hit me hard. Let's take a moment and thank the Lord that we are blessed to have showers (really) .. after this argument I went straight to have a shower and the thoughts came flooding in. I knew that I had to apologise to restore the trust and restore peace within this relationship. To my surprise, this person apologised first and before I left I came around and apologised too. Really apologised, where I had hugged them and tears were filling up my eyes. Despite of feeling so vulnerable, it was a wonderful feeling to just let it go. 

I know it's not much to say but seriously, apologising is worth it. It's never a win or lose situation. There'll always be the times you know you're right but you'll have to make the first move, times where you know you're wrong but you'll have to make the first move and times where you'll need to meet half way with that person. In the end, you need to focus on resolution and restoration. 

Take a Day Off

Call me a loner, but I like love to have time to myself. There are many, countless, times where I would travel by myself, would go shopping by myself, go to a park by myself and .. I have yet to watch a movie by myself. It is these very times that I find to be immersed in pure solitude.

*insert hashtag deep*

Too many times we can desire for social interaction, for face-to-face meet ups and what not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that .. until you find that you are loosing yourself and what you are doing. Too many times have I read ventilations about this person and that person. Again, there is nothing wrong with it as everyone is entitled rights of how they use social media .. however sometimes you just need to be by yourself. Trust me, take a day off. Completely. Just you and whatever you decide to do. That one day will refresh you, may arise some convictions, may renew hidden desires and dreams that you have long gone buried deep within, may just be the thing you need to 'escape' reality for a little while. 

As for me, I have my semester break coming up after my exams and I have already started to plan a day where I would 'take a day off' and just go out by myself, venture, take photos, videos, write, sing, explore. The possibilities are endless! That is the same for you. Whatever makes you feel good, do it. Whatever refreshes you, let it do so. In whatever you do, always try to make time for yourself. You need to look after yourself as much as you would look after other people, perhaps even more. Time may not always be on our side but you can always try to persuade it to work for you, just for one day. You'll thank me later. 

So .. what does your 'day off' look like to you? 

Sometimes Life Sucks

You know what? There are some days, some times, some phases that just suck. There are those times where you feel right in the dump of things, even when you've had a high streak of 'happiness,' you get hit back down. And it all just sucks. Well my friend, here's another look at things.

These kind of times are valley moments. Valley moments are the times where you're at your lowest, where it is the darkest. However, it is these times that you need to look at what is ahead of you. Between every mountain there is a valley that you'll have to go through to get to the next one. It is inevitable. There is no shortcut neither is there another way to go around to get to the next mountain, you always will have to go through the valley. So accept it. We need to accept that we will go through valley moments especially after we've reached the top of a mountain. It is these very moments that will test you and challenge you face-to-face to see if you'll hold onto what you've learnt climbing up that mountain and what you reached at the mountaintop.

Life sucks sometimes but the beauty of the valley is knowing that the next mountain you'll climb will give you a victory on the mountaintop that is better than what you had on the previous one. There is always something to look forward to. It is your choice of how you will react and what you will do when you start climbing down that mountain to get to the next one. It is up to you of what you make of when you're walking through the valley. This is a journey- grasp it, take it, learn from it. You'll make it through. 

Creating a Filter

During my 'early' internet usage years, also known as year seven to year ten, I had always been active with social networking. When I say active, I mean that I spent more time scrolling through a feed than I did creating posts. It was later into my senior years that I begun posting up more. However I still found myself scrolling through the feeds just as much as I posted. Certain images and ideas begun to flood my thoughts and did take a toll on me. Images of particular styles, ways a teenage girls' body should look like, quotes that were 'on point' to what I was going through, all soon became poison to me. I knew deep within me that it wasn't me to desire to have this type of body, to think these thoughts. It was when I started university that I decided to create an internet filter. I got rid of tumblr and ask.fm as they were the places that didn't do anything more for me than feel terrible of myself. I deleted the pages I had favourited of 'how to get skinny' and 'how to loose weight.' After doing so, a whole lot of baggage on my shoulders was taken off.

The above image are my current issues of my favourite magazines: Yen, Frankie and Dumbo Feather. Each of these magazines present substantial ideas, unique individuals, quirky articles- these I found better than reading Dolly or Girlfriend. What makes these reads different is that you don't see on the cover 'models' or huge slogans that say 'tips for getting that summer body.' Reading what was amongst these lovely pages helped redirect my view of beauty. They turned to creative, inner and intellectual beauty. Therefore filtering out all the unrealistic standards that had previously poisoned me.

There may be something/s in your life that are like poison to you. You know it for yourself that they are no good for your thinking and being. It is never easy to just remove something that you have held onto for so long however it is not impossible. So, what can you do to filter out what is poisoning you? Take it step by step (this was my way of doing it):

> Identify the poison
> Identify why it is poison
> Ask yourself: What is it doing to me?
> Think of ways you can filter it out: perhaps find another outlet to vent, unfollow.
> Filter: take action to get rid of the poison

Trust me, filtering is hard but it is worth it!